Vriendschappen

Ik heb deze tekst in het Spaans getypt en vertaald voor jullie met Google vertaler. Ik typ nu een stukje Nederlands maar de rest van verhaal is in het Engels. Ik ben van oorsprong Spaans dus excuses voor de sLechte vertaling in het Engels.

I was in love with a colleague. She also on me, but she decided to stay with her boyfriend. She herself says that she was not in love with me. But that is unbelievable because she helped me a lot and we called each other a lot. I hugged her and she hugged me too.

I looked for another job because I didn’t want to see an old colleague every day when I noticed she wasn’t going to leave her boyfriend. And my wife wanted me to find another job. I wanted to stay with my wife because I don’t want to disappoint our children. In addition, I love my wife.

I found that new job. I tried (trying) to keep in touch with an old colleague, but suddenly her behavior changed. She said she had no feelings for me and she didn’t want to be friends with me if I didn’t tell my wife about her. I can’t tell my wife about her because my wife doesn’t like it when I hang out with an old colleague. That is why my former colleague no longer wants contact with me, she says. She says she can’t anymore. She doesn’t want me to lie “at home”. I do not understand. She has been able to deal with me for 1.5 years. And now suddenly not anymore? What does she care if my wife doesn’t know about our friendship? Why is she concerned about that?
Sometimes I get the feeling that an old colleague doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. She knows very well that I cannot inform my wife. It seems that a former colleague uses that to stop contacting me. Is she really worried about my wife or doesn’t want to be friends at all?

She usually stops responding to messages. Even when I say I’m not feeling well, she doesn’t always respond. She once said that she is sensitive to people who have problems and she wants to help. Well, I don’t notice that anymore… She helped me a lot before. I often feel dissatisfied with my life (my wife has been determining how I should live for years (different story)) and an old colleague helped me with my burnout. She saw me at my weakest and she helped. And suddenly an old colleague does that. Stops responding when I’m having a hard time. Looks like she’s actually glad I’m gone. I see on Facebook that she is socializing with friends and her boyfriend. She has all the time, but sending me a text message is too much to ask. So I asked her why she behaves like this. She sent me that she never wanted anything with me and she repeated again that she doesn’t want to be friends with me if I don’t say anything to my wife. As I wrote: 1.5 years she was able to do that. And now no more. She gives me double signals. I don’t have many friends and now I’m losing her too.

How can I get through to her that she is important to me and that I don’t want her out of my life? I did something stupid in response to her double signals. I’m afraid I made it worse with that. When an old colleague said she didn’t feel anything for me, I said that I don’t feel anything for her either. I didn’t mean that she should get out of my life, but that I also see that we shouldn’t have a relationship with each other. So a week later I immediately sent her a message saying that I still hadn’t been able to inform my wife (that condition I wrote about before, for her to be friends) and sent a nice number. She didn’t respond to that, but she did send (days later) “I’m glad it’s going well”. I also sent that I wouldn’t say anything mean about her to anyone else. She responded immediately. “Why would you? Neither am I about you.” After that I sent something but I have to delete my messages because my wife reads them differently so I don’t remember exactly what I sent then. The fact is that I haven’t had a response and I miss an old colleague very much.

I have few friends because I am not originally from the Netherlands and have been living in the Netherlands for about 9 years. It was not so easy for me to maintain a circle of friends. I lose people over and over. My Dutch half-brother no longer wants contact, my sister from Spain does not want me to go on holiday with her children and our mother. I had two friends here who suddenly drank beer together in the city without asking me. At the time, my father was not enthusiastic about my coming to the Netherlands. I feel too much, not wanted. That’s not what my father meant. He didn’t think it wise to leave Spain and give up my life there for a woman. But still I didn’t feel wanted here. Former colleague does the same to me as anyone who drops me. Old colleague seemed different. Prefer softer and very nice ideas. She gave me more meaning in life. And since I left work, her behavior changed. I don’t understand her behavior because she used to give signals that she didn’t want to lose me and now she acts so differently. What else can I do? How do I even keep people I love close to me and should I let go of an old colleague or make a new attempt at contact?